There was a time when I couldn’t tell the difference between a meltdown and defiance.

When our boys were very young, they would stomp or slam doors or throw something across the room when they were upset, my gut response was: How dare you? That's unacceptable!

Because that’s what I’d been taught to believe - about children, about behavior, and about what “respect” should look like.

But slowly, Jesus began softening my eyes.

He didn’t just show me my child’s behavior - He showed me his pain.
The fear behind the stomping.
The overwhelm behind the throwing.
The nervous system that was constantly firing alarms, even in a quiet room.

And I began to realize: what looked like “bad behavior” was often just my child’s brain doing everything it could to survive.

As they grew, Ezra  outgrew these behaviors easily. Elijah, who was later diagnosed as autistic, did not. In fact, it was his immense struggle with emotional regulation that led us to seek a diagnosis. Eventually, with more specific and targeted support, Elijah outgrew those impulses as well. It just took a little longer. 

What if the very things we’re punishing… are actually the things trying to help?

God designed the body with incredible, intuitive ways to regulate stress - and neurodivergent kids often feel that stress more often and more intensely. So it makes sense that their bodies move in big ways when they're upset and dysregulated. 

Unfortunately, instead of helping them use that movement, we often try to shut it down.
  • “Stop stomping!”
  • “Why did you throw that?”
  • “Calm down!”
What if, instead of punishment, we offered a path toward peace - particularly peace in their body.

🧠 Peacemaker Parenting Tool: Redirect to Regulation

The next time your child is stomping, slamming, or throwing, pause and ask yourself: What is their nervous system trying to release?

Then offer one of these constructive ways to move that energy through their body instead of punishing them for having it:

  •  Dance Party – Turn on a favorite upbeat song and shake it out together.
  • Walk or Run – Even just 5–10 minutes around the block can do wonders.
  • Jump Rope or Jumping Jacks – The rhythm and movement help regulate both body and brain.
  • Stretching – Full-body stretches, especially after a meltdown, can help reset the system.
  • Push-Ups Against a Wall – Deep muscle activation = grounded nervous system.
  • Throw Basket – Give them a safe place to throw a soft toys (no plastic!).
  • Marching or Stomping Together – Don’t fight the stomp - join it and turn it into a rhythm game. 
These movements aren't random. They are regulation strategies hardwired into our bodies by a God who knows we’re human. And they are especially important for our neurodivergent kids, whose systems often stay stuck in "high alert."

This is what it means to discipline with the heart of Jesus.

To look beyond the surface.
To honor the body God created.
To shepherd our kids not with fear—but with peace, compassion, and curiosity.

If you’re parenting a neurodivergent child and trying to walk this out, we’d love to invite you to our upcoming workshop:

Peacemaker Parenting: Neuro-Unique Kids.
It’s full of grace and grounded in science. We’ll show you how to:
  • Understand your child’s brain and sensory needs
  • Respond to challenging behavior with wisdom and compassion
  • Use practical tools like these to bring peace into your home
  • Release shame-based discipline and reflect the heart of Jesus instead
LEARN MORE

You’re not alone.

And your child is not too much.

They are fearfully, wonderfully, and uniquely made. 💛



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