But this time, two names kept standing out to me in a way they haven’t before:
Judas and Peter.
Two of Jesus’ closest disciples.
Two men who loved Him.
Two men who, in His most vulnerable moment, betrayed Him.
Two men who loved Him.
Two men who, in His most vulnerable moment, betrayed Him.
Judas, of course, is known for his infamous act of betrayal. He handed Jesus over to the authorities for a handful of silver coins, setting in motion the events that led to Jesus’ execution.
But Peter betrayed Him too.
Three times.
After swearing he never would.
Three times.
After swearing he never would.
And in Jesus' greatest moment of need, Peter chose self-preservation over loyalty.
What struck me this time around wasn’t the betrayal itself - but what happened next.
The Weight of Shame
Judas was overwhelmed by the weight of what he’d done. So much so that he couldn’t live with himself. His shame was too heavy, too unbearable. And tragically, he took his own life.
Peter, on the other hand, responded so differently. The next time he saw Jesus, he didn’t run away in shame. He ran toward Him.
Literally.
When he recognized Jesus on the shore, he jumped out of the boat and swam as fast as he could to get to Him. No fear of punishment or rebuke. No self-hatred. No hesitation about how their relationship might be different. Just longing to be near the One who he knew still loved him - the One he had failed.
Attachment Is the Antidote to Shame
From a modern neuroscience perspective, this makes perfect sense.
Peter had a deep, secure attachment to Jesus. He was in Jesus’ inner circle - one of the three closest disciples who learned from and lived with Jesus in a deeply personal way. He didn’t just know Jesus, they shared a unique, deeply strong bond.
We know from neuroscience we know that a strong attachment bond serves as an antidote to shame. The more secure the attachment, the lower the levels of shame.
Peter knew he had failed - but he also knew he was still loved.
And that love made it safe to return.
What This Means for Us as Parents
This part of the Easter story - this moment between Peter and Jesus—has gently reminded me of something I often need to hear:
our children will be more resilient in failure if they’re securely attached to us.
It’s not merely our consistency in discipline or the strength of our boundaries that will help our children grow through failure - it’s the strength of our relationship.
When our children feel securely attached to us, they can handle their mistakes with resilience. They can come to us - even when they mess up, instead of hiding in shame.
Just like Peter did with Jesus.
And we as parents, as well as our children, need that secure attachment with Jesus, too. Scripture describes it as abiding - and we know it’s not about a relationship built on performance, but one rooted in abiding love.
Because we’re going to fail, too.
We’ll raise our voices, make the wrong call, or get overwhelmed.
And when we do, we need to know there’s a place for us to run back to - a Savior who doesn’t lead with shame, but with grace.
Shame Doesn’t Get the Last Word
This is the beauty of Easter.
Not just that Jesus died and rose again - though that’s everything.
But that He welcomed His flawed, fragile disciples back with open arms.
But that He welcomed His flawed, fragile disciples back with open arms.
He cooked Peter breakfast on the beach.
He restored him gently, with love and purpose.
He gave him a calling, not a consequence.
He restored him gently, with love and purpose.
He gave him a calling, not a consequence.
That’s the kind of parent I want to be.
One who is so deeply rooted in the love of Christ that I can offer that same grace and connection to my children.
One who understands that shame doesn’t transform hearts - grace does.
This Easter, may we remember:
- Shame doesn’t get the final word. Love does.
- Jesus invites us back - even after our worst mistakes.
- And our children need connection more than correction when they fail.
Let’s run toward Jesus - and invite our children to do the same.
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