As Peacemaker Parents, we strive to embody grace, forgiveness, and love—reflecting the very essence of Jesus. However, it raises an important question for some parents: How do we help our children understand their need for Jesus' redemption, especially when we are consistently extending grace for their mistakes? Let’s explore this through a peacemaker parenting lens, emphasizing accountability and the role of the Holy Spirit.
1. Recognizing Our Limited Capacity for Grace
While our hearts are full of grace, it’s essential to acknowledge that our capacity as parents is finite. There will be moments when we can’t (and really shouldn’t) shield our children from the natural consequences of their actions. This reality provides a crucial learning opportunity. When children face the natural and logical outcomes of their choices, they begin to grasp that every action has a consequence (sometimes good, sometimes not!), and this can serve as a reflection of the larger principle of sin and redemption.
Encouraging our kids to understand this concept can involve simple discussions about decisions and their impacts. For instance, if they neglect responsibilities, a missed deadline might lead to disappointment. This helps them see that while we love them unconditionally, their choices can affect their lives and the lives of others. It sets the stage for deeper discussions about accountability and the importance of making amends.
2. Understanding Sin through “Horizontal” Relationships
When we first talk about sin with young children, it can be helpful to frame it in terms of our earthly relationships—how our actions affect others. By focusing on the “horizontal” aspect of sin, we can teach our children that their choices can harm relationships with friends, family, and even strangers. This perspective not only emphasizes the importance of reconciliation and accountability but also models Christ’s call to love our neighbors.
Being able to understand another person's perspective is largely developmental, with children really growing in this ability between ages five to seven. It's important to understand this so your expectations can be reasonable - but that doesn't mean you won't coach and teach them in this important skill. Encourage your children to reflect on their actions and how they impact those around them. When they hurt someone’s feelings or break a trust, guide them through the process of acknowledging their actions and learning to make things right. This can be a natural pathway to discussing the grace we receive through Jesus, without the shaming that can sometimes come from emphasizing “sin nature” when kids are too young to understand that. By fostering a culture of open dialogue and accountability, we help kids see the need for reconciliation and the grace that God extends to all of us.
Peacemaker Parenting Tip: Prioritize heartfelt reconciliation (repairing relationships) over half-hearted apologies. As Christians we're called to a ministry of reconciliation (II Corinthians 5), and we are able to mend earlthy relationships because God reconciled us to Himself first. This might look like: when you hurt with your hands, you make things right by helping with your hands. When you hurt with your words, you make things right speaking life-giving words.
3. The Role of the Holy Spirit in Conviction
Ultimately, it’s essential to remember that it is not our role as parents to harshly judge or condemn our children. Our job is to create a loving and supportive environment where they can encounter God’s truth and grace. We can gently guide them toward understanding their mistakes, but true conviction and behavior change come from the Holy Spirit working in their hearts.
Encourage your children to pray about their actions and seek God’s guidance. When they face moral dilemmas or feelings of guilt, remind them that Jesus is there to help them navigate these challenges. This empowers them to rely on God for transformation rather than solely on parental approval or disapproval.
Peacemaker Parenting tip: When your child is struggling with their behavior or attitude, remind them that just as God gave you His Holy Sprit to help you, you are there to help them. This comes from a posture of peace, not punishment, modeling the work of the Holy Spirit as our helper and comforter. (John 14, 15)
By combining grace with accountability, we can help our children understand the deeper need for Jesus’ redemption in their lives. Acknowledging our limitations as parents, framing sin in terms of relationships, and trusting the Holy Spirit to guide their hearts allows us to raise children who not only recognize their need for grace but also seek reconciliation and growth in their faith journey. Through this approach, we model a compassionate and Christ-centered way of living, equipping our children to navigate their own paths with the love and wisdom of Jesus.
Want to learn more? This topic is near and dear to our hearts, and our book, The Flourishing Family, dives deeper into leading our children through non-punitive, grace-based accountability and consequences that repair relationships.
