This past summer, I found myself snuggled up on the couch with my boys, starting our day with a morning Bible reading. We were in Mark 1:21-27, reading about Jesus' authority over unclean spirits. My boys were tucked under blankets, their curious faces peeking over the tops of their Bibles as they read along with me. I could feel the warmth of their little bodies pressed close, and it was one of those moments that feels both holy and ordinary at the same time. As I read aloud about how even the demons obeyed Jesus, I was struck by the weight of those words in a way I hadn’t been before.
I’ve read this passage many times before and heard it preached countless times in church: "Even the demons obey." As parents, we often take this to heart and apply it directly to our family life: If even demons obey Jesus, how much more should we expect our children to obey us? We’re often told that quick obedience is crucial, that our children should follow commands without hesitation. And it’s easy to make this leap—obedience is important. We want to raise respectful, responsible kids who listen and follow through. But there’s something more beneath the surface, something deeper that I’ve missed in all those earlier readings.
This time, as my kids sat beside me, reading the words themselves, the passage hit me differently. Even the demons obey.And yet, they aren’t partnering with Jesus to bring about His kingdom. Their obedience is not out of devotion, love, or desire for His glory. They obey because they recognize His authority, but they are not on a journey of faith, and they will never hear the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” The demons obey, but they aren’t transformed. They don’t obey out of love for Jesus (John 14:15), which is a crucial shift not only for how I view my relationship with God but also for how I think about obedience in parenting.
This realization led me to reflect: Obedience has to be about more than just doing what is asked. After all, if even the demons can follow commands, there’s clearly more to the story. What truly matters is the heart behind the obedience. It’s not enough for our children—or for us, for that matter—to simply follow the rules or complete the task. What is our motivation? Are we obeying out of love, out of trust, out of a desire to honor and follow Jesus because we are wholly captivated by Him? Or are we just going through the motions, doing the bare minimum because we feel obligated - or worse, are afraid of what might happen if we don’t.
When we focus solely on external compliance—on getting our children to do what we say when we say it—we miss an opportunity to nurture something much more important: their hearts. Trust-based obedience, the kind motivated by love, is what Jesus desires from us. This is the same kind of obedience we should seek from our children. In The Flourishing Family, we talk about how to foster this kind of trust and connection, and how it leads to a more joyful, grace-filled home. As parents, our goal shouldn’t just be obedience for obedience’s sake but obedience that flows from a deep, loving relationship of trust and mutual respect.
Three Takeaways for Fostering Trust-Based Obedience
- Model the heart behind obedience. Just as Jesus teaches us to obey out of love for Him, we need to model that same love and trust with our children. When they see us joyfully saying yes to the invitations God gives us, they learn that obedience is not about fear or control but about love and partnership.
- Connect before you correct. When your child disobeys or resists, pause to connect with their heart. Understanding why they’re struggling with obedience can be the key to addressing the root issue instead of just correcting behavior. This shows them that your relationship matters more than the rule being followed.
- Focus on the relationship, not just the rules. Prioritizing a loving, trust-based connection creates an environment where obedience naturally follows. It’s not about perfection but about nurturing a relationship where your child feels safe, loved, and motivated to listen and follow through.
If you're ready to learn more about how to cultivate trust-based, love-motivated obedience in your home, I invite you to check out our book, The Flourishing Family: A Jesus-Centered Guide to Parenting with Peace and Purpose. It’s filled with practical insights and biblical wisdom that will transform the way you approach parenting, helping you cultivate peace and cooperation in your home and family.
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