I think we’ve all been there…
Busy with some necessary task and then you hear it. Yelling, crying, and overall upsetness.
Frustration in a parent can sometimes be a huge blinder. It tempts us to get angry and upset with our child's behavior. It pushes us into a position of crisis. We feel the need to eliminate the behavior immediately and that forces us out of the place of peace we need to be in to help them.
This place of frustration and urgency keeps us from looking at their hearts. But that place of looking at their hearts is just exactly where we need to be…
1 Samuel 16:7b “...The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
See, what is so important about looking beyond behavior is that this is the only place we can truly correct our children.
Punishing and shaming for behavior does nothing for a child. It gives them nothing–it only takes. It disarms, disempowers, and disengages their little minds from learning.
On the other hand, looking at their hearts and connecting before gently correcting, as Jesus does for us, does the opposite. It GIVES. It equips, empowers, and engages. And here, in this place, a child will learn and flourish.
Next time you find yourself running into a “moment” with your child – try to see their heart over their behavior.
Instead of saying this…pause and ask yourself this..
You know better! → I wonder why my child thought they had to hit to get that toy back?
Stop yelling! → Does my child know that they are heard?
Why are you throwing things?! → Have I taught my child appropriate ways to let out anger + have I made those ways easily accessible for them?
You’re making this so hard for me! → Have I connected intentionally with my child today and given them tools to have some alone time while I complete this task?
Stop fighting with your sister/brother! → Which problem-solving skill clearly needs some work and how can I work on developing that skill with them?
I like how James says:
This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.
Sometimes a simple pause to ask ourselves a question before opening our mouths and speaking helps bring peace and the wisdom of God into a situation. This is where we can use the insight of the Lord to see into their hearts and bring them into our peace where they can learn and grow.
I know sometimes these little changes are sometimes much easier said that implemented. And if the implementation of these swaps feels overwhelming, you are not alone. We have a special community that gently holds each other accountable while offering support via zoom calls, emails, messages, group mentoring–all of it! You’re always welcome to join us. CLICK HERE to learn more.
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