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QUICK TIP: MATCH MY VOICE
Repeat after me: Yelling and screaming are developmentally normal! That doesn't mean it's easy to deal with or that we ignore it. When children scream or yell, there's usually a reason why. And it isn't hard to guess: they want to make sure they are heard.
In responding to their yell, affirm that you can tell they want to be heard. Guide them towards using a softer voice, and let them know their words are important to you. You might try:
"Woah! I can tell you really want to be heard. Do you want to take your outside voice outside or do you want to use your inside voice so I can understand your words better?"
"Wow! That was so loud I couldn't understand you. Your words are important to me, will you say them again with a softer voice so I understand everything you want me to know?"
"Your volume is turned up so loud! Let's turn it down so I can understand you better." (Pretend to turn down their volume with an imaginary knob.)
TEACH WITH TOOLS:
Repeat after me: Yelling and screaming are developmentally normal! That doesn't mean it's easy to deal with or that we ignore it. When children scream or yell, there's usually a reason why. And it isn't hard to guess: they want to make sure they are heard.
In responding to their yell, affirm that you can tell they want to be heard. Guide them towards using a softer voice, and let them know their words are important to you. You might try:
"Woah! I can tell you really want to be heard. Do you want to take your outside voice outside or do you want to use your inside voice so I can understand your words better?" "Wow! That was so loud I couldn't understand you. Your words are important to me, will you say them again with a softer voice so I understand everything you want me to know?" "Your volume is turned up so loud! Let's turn it down so I can understand you better." (Pretend to turn down their volume with an imaginary knob.)TEACH WITH TOOLS:
We also recommend teaching with tools, like Voices are Not for Yelling: and Little Dinos Don't Yell: (FREE on Kindle Unlimited)
QUICK TIP: IT'S OKAY TO EXPLAIN WHY
Raise your hand if you enforce a boundary and your child asks "why?". 
It's so easy to just say "Because I said so!" But that doesn't really lend itself to guiding and teaching our kids, does it?
It's so easy to just say "Because I said so!" But that doesn't really lend itself to guiding and teaching our kids, does it?It's okay to explain why. It's better than okay, even! Explaining the why behind a boundary or limit gives children the opportunity to evaluate a different perspective than their own, it gives them a chance to learn about reasoning and risk taking. And sometimes, it gives US the opportunity to reevaluate our answer because we can reflect on if we actually *have* a reason. (And yes, it's also okay to change your mind!)
Here are a few phrases for replacing "because I said so."
It's good to be curious and ask questions, here's why ________.
As soon as you are safe I will explain why.
My answer is no, here's why:
I hear you, but we're going to do it this way because...And what about those times they keep asking why? Gently remind them that you've already answered their question and hold the limit.
What phrases would you add to our list?
Navigating and understanding emotions can be difficult. And while many adults struggle to identify, process, and express their feelings in healthy ways, it's even more of a challenge for children. Learning emotional intelligence in childhood will set our kids up for healthy interpersonal relationships, personal achievement and self awareness, and job success. One of the easiest ways to guide our children now, is to use children books about feelings and emotions.
Read more...
Self care is a a pretty popular topic these days. And like many topics, there’s plenty of disagreement and controversy within Christianity on the benefits and/or dangers of self care.
Some argue that as Christians we’re called to a life of service and sacrifice, which means self care is entirely selfish and antithetical to Christian living.
While I understand the Biblical argument behind this, Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends, etc. I think in practice it requires healthy boundaries that are often nuanced and specific to unique relationships and situations.
We are not called to sacrifice our mental, emotional, or physical health for our family. A woman can easily wear herself so thin that she develops depression and/or anxiety and at that point she is likely to become emotionally neglectful to the most important relationships in her life. Add to this vitamin and nutrition deficiencies that leave her feeling depleted and fatigued, and there is very little of herself left to give to anyone.
WOMEN ARE INHERENTLY WORTHY OF REST BECAUSE GOD DESIGNED US FOR IT.
Women are inherently worthy of self-nurturing and rest because God designed us for rest. He modeled rest in the creation narrative, resting on the seventh day. He required it in the giving of the Law, expecting His people to sabbath on the seventh day. He modeled it in the person of Jesus Christ, taking time away from His ministry and relationships to be with His Father. In Jewish culture, the day begins with rest, not productivity! We must switch our mindset to recognize that we do not have to earn rest - it is a gift and part of God's created order.
WHY MODERN WOMEN NEED SELF CARE
The problem we have today is that we live in a profoundly individualistic fear-based society that leaves many women feeling like they cannot trust anyone. For mamas in particular, they often wrestle with a fear of having no one to watch their little ones while they rest. Womanhood, and motherhood specifically, is now removed from the tribal and community-centric cultures humanity enjoyed for thousands of years. Western women are expected to do the work that used to be done by multiple nurturers and generations within a community, as well as balance home life and work life.
Taking care of ourselves in today’s Western culture is necessary because we’ve abandoned ancient ways of doing life that supported and nurtured mothers more effectively.
Taking care of ourselves in today’s Western culture is necessary because we’ve abandoned ancient ways of doing life that supported and nurtured mothers more effectively. (Of course with that we’ve also abandoned some pretty horrific abuses of women too.)
For the Christian woman, self care is the choice to faithfully steward your emotional, spiritual, and physical health and well-being for God’s glory and your good.
DON’T SACRIFICE SOUL CARE FOR SELF CARE
We can do all the self care things available on Pinterest, but if we aren’t doing soul care, we will continue to find ourselves worn out, stretched thin, and overwhelmed.
Incorporating soul care into self care will help us nurture our whole person. Instead of focusing on pampering yourself, focus on nurturing yourself. Here are a few ideas:
- Take a gratitude walk in nature. Enjoy a hike or walk outdoors and focus your energy on gratitude. When your mind wanders bring it back to the present and offer thanks for the opportunity to breathe clean air.
- Meditate on Scripture. Find an app or YouTube channel that will play Scripture and soothing music, and take a few moments out of your day to meditate. (The Abide App is one of our favorites)
- Give up trendy self care for actual self care. This may mean choosing to sleep an extra half hour instead of taking a long bath, or choosing nourishing foods rather than a cappuccino. Make the choice to prioritize the things that restore your body.
- Laugh. “A joyful heart is good medicine.” (Proverbs 17:22). Find ways to really and truly laugh. Find a stand up comedian that you enjoy and take time to watch it. Or reach out to the people in your life who make you laugh and plan a lunch or dinner date.
- Turn on praise and worship music and don’t clean. Dance and sing along, or sit and soak in the words and music. Allow yourself to enjoy just worshiping, with no multi-tasking allowed.
Sometimes Christians get really concerned that our culture is influencing how we interpret the Bible. I understand that concern and think it’s a very real issue. But I think we often forget that culture has been influencing how we understand Scripture for a very, very long time.
For example, the Romans thought they were the new covenantal nation just a few hundred years after Christ, likely because they were essentially an unstoppable force and they perceived themselves to be especially blessed by God because of their military successes. (Does that sound familiar?)
It’s really interesting to examine how art influences our interpretation of Scripture. A classic objection to Gentle Parenting is that Jesus whipped the money changers in the temple. But did He really?
Let’s look at what the Bible actually says about this story, and provide some clarity to common assumptions and culturally-influenced interpretation.
ASSUMPTION: JESUS WAS ANGRY AT THE MONEY CHANGERS
Scripture does not say Jesus was angry during this event. It’s certainly a possibility that was angry. We are reading it with our own preconceived ideas if we attribute His actions to anger, because Scripture is silent on whether or not He was angry.
We can tell from Scripture that He was not acting in a fit of rage or flying off the handle when He cleared the temple. We can be very nearly certain that He didn’t lose His cool and start going crazy. How do we know? John and Mark both suggest His actions may have been planned. In Mark 11:11-19, Jesus visits the temple but waits until the next day to do anything, and in John Jesus takes the time to make a whip from cords (John 2:15.) These both indicate that His actions were not impulsive or “knee jerk reactions” to the situation playing out at the temple.
ASSUMPTION: JESUS USED A WHIP ON THE MONEY CHANGERS
We do know that Jesus used a whip! But nothing indicates that He used it on people.
Scripture tells us there were livestock in the temple and that Jesus drove them out with a whip He constructed. This might sound a bit intense or dramatic, but it was the cultural norm to use a whip to herd and direct livestock. He was simply using a common tool for the common work of herding livestock.
ASSUMPTION: JESUS YELLED AT THE MONEY CHANGERS
Mark and Matthew clearly state He was teaching when this happened and that people were amazed at His teaching, and no Scripture indicates that He yelled at them.
I suspect most scholars view this interaction as an angry outburst because the Greek word for “overturned” the tables is “katastrephó” (catastrophe) and that sounds chaotic and crazy. I’m a bit rusty on my greek, but I think katastrephó is descriptive of the act of overturning, not the motivation behind the act. Additionally, the word does not inherently imply it was an outburst.
ASSUMPTION: JESUS WAS CLEANSING THE TEMPLE
This assumption is easy to make because most Bibles provide a story title that reads something like “Jesus cleanses the temple.” Here’s the thing we often forget, though: animals in the temple were a normal occurrence, and selling animals for sacrifice and paying a temple tax were required by Jewish law. The exchange of money itself would not have been cause for concern. Some commentators suspect that the focus had grown beyond service to profit and that unfair prices had essentially turned the temple courts into an exploitive marketplace.
Other scholars believe His motivation was symbolic. “Because Jesus drove out people and animals that were essential [to temple life], many scholars view his action not as a cleansing of the temple but as a symbolic act predicting its destruction. This puts Jesus in line with the actions of Israel’s earlier prophets and agrees with the words that John 2:19 has Jesus utter on this occasion: “Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up.” Jesus seems to have envisaged that the temple would be removed to make room for whatever more perfect state of affairs would replace it in the kingdom of God.” (James F. McGrath, “Jesus and the Money Changers.)
If His actions were symbolic, there’s literally no reason He was acting in anger, and, of course, there is no Scriptural evidence to suggest He was.
WHY ARE THESE ASSUMPTIONS SO WIDELY BELIEVED?
We don’t usually think about how art impacts our interpretation of Scripture, but a vast majority of the art depicting this story shows Jesus with His hands raised, whip in hand, coming at the people.
Christ Cleansing the Temple by Bernardino Mei
Christ Expelling the Money-Changers from the Temple by Nicolas Colombel
Christ Driving the Money Changers out of the Temple Valentin de Boulogne
It’s easy to see how our understanding of this story may be influenced by the cultural understanding of cultures before us. Reading Scripture without cultural bias is very nearly impossible. But if we are to rightly divide the Word of Truth (II Timothy 2:15), we cannot be content only to understand Scripture through our cultural bias. We must be willing to ask hard questions of the text and ourselves and pray for wisdom as we seek the heart of God.
