PEACEMAKER PARENTING
FACTS & FOUNDATIONS
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WHAT IS
PEACEMAKER PARENTING?
Peacemaker Parenting is a model for parenting that is rooted in the teaching of Jesus and backed by modern neuroscience. It equips parents and caregivers to develop deeply connected and secure relationships with their children, and empowers them with tools and strategies to lead and guide their families with Jesus, and His grace, at the center.
THE FOUNDATIONS & FACTS BEHIND
PEACEMAKER PARENTING
Peacemaker Parenting is informed by Scriptural Foundations and Neurological Facts. These Foundations and Facts work together to help parents establish their goals, values, and framework for parenting.
JESUS-CENTERED FOUNDATION #1- Because Jesus tells us "I will never leave you or forsake you." and "I am with you always." we can imitate Him and remain present, peaceful, and prayerful with our children, even in their misbehavior and struggles.
- Parenting as a peacemaker doesn't mean ignoring conflict with our children, silencing their voice in conflict, or abandoning them to conflict. It means stepping into their struggle and drawing on and imitating Jesus, and His peace-giving and peacemaking presence.
- This is one of the core foundations for understanding the gift we give our children when we co-regulate with them. Jesus gives us His peace—He is the Source of peace! And we as parents infuse that into our relationships with our children, even, or perhaps, especially, when they struggle!
DIG IN FOR YOURSELF: Deuteronomy 31:6, Hebrews 13:5, Matthew 28:20
JESUS-CENTERED FOUNDATION #1- Because Jesus tells us "I will never leave you or forsake you." and "I am with you always." we can imitate Him and remain present, peaceful, and prayerful with our children, even in their misbehavior and struggles.
- Parenting as a peacemaker doesn't mean ignoring conflict with our children, silencing their voice in conflict, or abandoning them to conflict. It means stepping into their struggle and drawing on and imitating Jesus, and His peace-giving and peacemaking presence.
- This is one of the core foundations for understanding the gift we give our children when we co-regulate with them. Jesus gives us His peace—He is the Source of peace! And we as parents infuse that into our relationships with our children, even, or perhaps, especially when, they struggle!
DIG IN FOR YOURSELF: Deuteronomy 31:6, Hebrews 13:5, Matthew 28:20
BRAIN FACT #1
- When a child is dysregulated (which presents as a tantrum, disrespect, defiance, attitude, etc) the learning centers of their brain are less active. If we want them to learn how to do better or behave differently, we must help them calm their brain and body so that they can actually learn the lesson we're trying to teach!
- Parenting as a peacemaker recognizes that how and when we respond to and correct behavior matters! We often feel a sense of urgency to stop, fix, or correct behavior in the moment, and sometimes that may be needed. But in general, teaching and equipping with skills to do better is most effective when done outside the heat of the moment. (In the heat of the moment your primary job is staying calm and making sure your child is secure in your affection, connection, and protection.)
BRAIN FACT #1
- When a child is dysregulated (which presents as a tantrum, disrespect, defiance, attitude, etc) the learning centers of their brain are less active. If we want them to learn how to do better or behave differently, we must help them calm their brain and body so that they can actually learn the lesson we're trying to teach!
- Parenting as a peacemaker recognizes that how and when we respond to and correct behavior matters! We often feel a sense of urgency to stop, fix, or correct behavior in the moment, and sometimes that may be needed. But in general, teaching and equipping with skills to do better is most effective when done outside the heat of the moment. (In the heat of the moment your primary job is staying calm and making sure your child is secure in your affection, connection, and protection.)
JESUS-CENTERED FOUNDATION #2- Because Jesus became human and dwelt among us, to model for us God's plan for humanity, we can model for our children the behavior, conflict resolution, values, and self-discipline we hope to instill in them.
- Parenting as a peacemaker means that we focus on our own behavior at least as much, if not more than we do our child's behavior. Why? Because we are only capable of submitting ourselves to the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives—we cannot submit for our children.
- Jesus fulfilled the Law and Prophets, both becoming a perfect, spotless sacrifice, and living out God's expectations for humanity. We can echo the Apostle Paul and say, "Imitate me as I imitate Christ."
DIG IN FOR YOURSELF: John 1:14, Matthew 5:17-18, I Corinthians 11:1
JESUS-CENTERED FOUNDATION #2- Because Jesus became human and dwelt among us, to model for us God's plan for humanity, we can model for our children the behavior, conflict resolution, values, and self-discipline we hope to instill in them.
- Parenting as a peacemaker means that we focus on our own behavior at least as much, if not more than we do our child's behavior. Why? Because we are only capable of submitting ourselves to the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives—we cannot submit for our Children.
- Jesus fulfilled the Law and Prophets, both becoming a perfect, spotless sacrifice, and living out God's expectations for humanity. We can echo the Apostle Paul and say, "Imitate me as I imitate Christ."
DIG IN FOR YOURSELF: John 1:14, Matthew 5:17-18, I Corinthians 11:1
BRAIN FACT #2
- From infancy, children are wired with mirror neurons so that they learn by seeing and experiencing life with their caregivers. Mirror neurons are brain cells that respond not only by doing an action but by witnessing it in someone else.
- Parenting as a peacemaker recognizes that our children are designed to learn best by observing us and mimicking, or mirroring, what they see and experience. This means that as we teach, guide, and discipline our children, it is vitally important that we model for them only what we are okay with them imitating! When we yell, get harsh, or use physical or emotional pain to manage their behavior, they will learn to do the same thing to manage other people! Conversely, when we model respect, collaboration, problem-solving, and healthy conflict resolution, they will learn to do the same.
BRAIN FACT #2
- From infancy, children are wired with mirror neurons so that they learn by seeing and experiencing life with their caregivers. Mirror neurons are brain cells that respond not only by doing an action but by witnessing it in someone else.
- Parenting as a peacemaker recognizes that our children are designed to learn best by observing us and mimicking, or mirroring, what they see and experience. This means that as we teach, guide, and discipline our children, it is vitally important that we model for them only what we are okay with them imitating! When we yell, get harsh, or use physical or emotional pain to manage their behavior, they will learn to do the same thing to manage other people! Conversely, when we model respect, collaboration, problem-solving, and healthy conflict resolution, they will learn to do the same.
JESUS-CENTERED FOUNDATION #3- Because Jesus brings His peace in the midst of conflict, storms, and strife, we as parents draw on His non-anxious presence in our hearts and lives so that our inner peace and the peace of our home is not dependent on good behavior, obedience, or the absence of conflict.
- Parenting as a peacemaker means that we draw on supernatural strength and peace when parenting is chaotic. Jesus is our steady anchor, and we hold fast to and focus on Him for our perfect peace (Isaiah 26:3) Our peace is no longer dependent on a lack of chaos or conflict. By trusting the Prince of Peace, relying on Him for our peace, and developing tangible skills for calming our own nervous systems, we become for our children the safe harbor in the midst of life's storms and faithfully introduce them to the Prince of Peace.
DIG IN FOR YOURSELF: Isaiah 26:3, Isaiah 9:6, Mark 4:35-41
JESUS-CENTERED FOUNDATION #3- Because Jesus brings His peace in the midst of conflict, storms, and strife, we as parents draw on His non-anxious presence in our hearts and lives so that our inner peace and the peace of our home is not dependent on good behavior, obedience, or the absence of conflict.
- Parenting as a peacemaker means that we draw on supernatural strength and peace when parenting is chaotic. Jesus is our steady anchor, and we hold fast to and focus on Him for our perfect peace (Isaiah 26:3) Our peace is no longer dependent on a lack of chaos or conflict. By trusting the Prince of Peace, relying on Him for our peace, and developing tangible skills for calming our own nervous systems, we become for our children the safe harbor in the midst of life's storms and faithfully introduce them to the Prince of Peace.
DIG IN FOR YOURSELF: Isaiah 26:3, Isaiah 9:6, Mark 4:35-41
BRAIN FACT #3
- Children learn how to regulate their emotions by being in the presence of a non-anxious parent or caregiver. This process is called co-regulation. When a caregiver remains calm, or returns to a calm state, their nervous system teaches the child's immature nervous system how to calm.
- Parenting as a peacemaker means we take on the responsibility of teaching our children in the ways God designed them to learn. When it comes to cultivating peace, helping them calm down when dysregulated, and learning emotional regulation skills, we bring our own peace and calm into their storm to model healthy coping strategies, reliance on Jesus, and calming practices that meet their body's needs.
BRAIN FACT #3
- Children learn how to regulate their emotions by being in the presence of a non-anxious parent or caregiver. This process is called co-regulation. When a caregiver remains calm, or returns to a calm state, their nervous system teaches the child's immature nervous system how to calm.
- Parenting as a peacemaker means we take on the responsibility of teaching our children in the ways God designed them to learn. When it comes to cultivating peace, helping them calm down when dysregulated, and learning emotional regulation skills, we bring our own peace and calm into their storm to model healthy coping strategies, reliance on Jesus, and calming practices that meet their body's needs.
JESUS-CENTERED FOUNDATION #4- Because Jesus invites us to love-based obedience and gives us the Holy Spirit as a comforter and helper, we as parents consistently invite our children into love and trust-based obedience.
- Parenting as a peacemaker means that we invite and nurture obedience rather than demanding it. Our desire for obedience should always be tempered by the command not to stir up anger or discourage our children. It should cause us to demand obedience only when genuinely necessary, so that the heart of the child will be drawn toward the parent, rather than repelled by constant demands.
- As peacemakers, we recognize that outwardly, obedience and compliance have the illusion of being the same thing, but only obedience is nurtured in a relationship of love and trust.
DIG IN FOR YOURSELF: John 14:15, John 15:26-27
JESUS-CENTERED FOUNDATION #4- Because Jesus invites us to love-based obedience and gives us the Holy Spirit as a comforter and helper, we as parents consistently invite our children into love and trust-based obedience.
- Parenting as a peacemaker means that we invite and nurture obedience rather than demanding it. Our desire for obedience should always be tempered by the command not to stir up anger or discourage our children. It should cause us to demand obedience only when genuinely necessary, so that the heart of the child will be drawn toward the parent, rather than repelled by constant demands.
- As peacemakers, we recognize that outwardly, obedience and compliance have the illusion of being the same thing, but only obedience is nurtured in a relationship of love and trust.
DIG IN FOR YOURSELF: John 14:15, John 15:26-27
BRAIN FACT #4
- The human brain responds to stress, threats, fear, and danger one of four ways: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. The last three can easily be mistaken for obedience when threats are used to compel obedience. Children will stop the behavior—but it is a survival instinct in their brain, not love-based obedience.
- Parenting as a peacemaker recognizes that fear is counter-productive to long-term parenting goals, and can fracture the parent-child relationship. We consciously choose not to use fear as a motivator, and instead nurture relationships that are based on love, trust, and connection.
BRAIN FACT #4
- The human brain responds to stress, threats, fear, and danger one of four ways: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. The last three can easily be mistaken for obedience when threats are used to compel obedience. Children will stop the behavior—but it is a survival instinct in their brain, not love-based obedience.
- Parenting as a peacemaker recognizes that fear is counter-productive to long-term parenting goals, and can fracture the parent-child relationship. We consciously choose not to use fear as a motivator, and instead nurture relationships that are based on love, trust, and connection.
PEACEMAKER PARENTING: THE COURSE
The Peacemaker Parenting Course is a full-length parenting course that combines Jesus-Centered Foundations and Brain-Development Facts to help you stop yelling, fighting, and grasping for control of your child's behavior and help you cultivate lasting peace in your home and family.
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©2023 FLOURISHING HOMES & FAMILIES
©2023 FLOURISHING HOMES & FAMILIES
